What's in Your Marriage Contract? You Have One, Right?

Most likely, many couples did not have a marriage contract in place prior to tying the knot.  Let me be very clear, I am not referring to a prenuptial agreement.  Instead, I am referring to many of the unspoken things you wish you addressed way back when.  For example, what happens when either party's physical features change, will there be children in the family, who will be the primary caregiver when children arrive, will both parties have to work and contribute to the family financially, what will you have to do to ensure a lustful relationship, how do you prioritize your relationship even when there are children, etc.  These are important things that are rarely addressed until you are legally bound.

Today, I want to focus on the visual you, the physical you, the sexual you.

Do any of the following comments sound familiar, even if they were made jokingly?

• If you get fat, I am leaving you.
• You don't look as good as when we were dating.
• I am going to trade you in for a younger model.
• No, I wasn't checking her out (although it was done right in front of you).

Well, I feel comfortable to share with you that during the time my then boyfriend now husband and I dated through several years of our marriage (even post children), my husband frequently stated "if you get fat, I am leaving you."  Did I believe these harsh words?  Of course I did.  However, I was not offended.  I knew his expectations up front.  I also take pride in my physical self and I would not allow my weight to get out of control.  I will admit that I am challenged with keeping my weight in tact, especially after having two children, but I will never become obese.  He does not have to worry.  I honor this term in our marriage contract.

For me, it is not just a matter of size.  It is also a matter of style.  There are so many times when I take my daughter to gymnastics practice and I see some moms who are notorious for looking as though they just rolled out of bed.  They look sloppy.  This is unnecessary.  I don't care how bad life gets, the world does not need to see the weight on your shoulders.  If I am insulted for you as a fellow mom, how do you think your spouse feels?  In the evening, if you look the same as you did when your husband left in the morning, then you have to admit you have a problem that needs to be addressed.  Remember, if you look better, you will feel better.  If you feel better, you will do better.

What about the sex?  Yes, I am asking the question.  Was this topic addressed in your marriage contract?  Did you discuss the importance and the significance of satisfying each other's needs to maintain a healthy relationship?  I think it is reasonable to assume that if you are struggling to maintain your sexy, then you are really struggling to nurture a consistent, meaningful, desirable sexual relationship with your husband.  This is very important because without the intimacy you are just roommates.  I know you have heard this before...if he isn't making love to you then he is making love to someone else.  Do not wait until this occurs to take action.  Do not let go of your relationship so quickly and easily.  Make the change now.

The good news is that it is not too late to create a marriage contract for the future of your relationship.  Trust me, both you and your husband will appreciate it.  It gives you an opportunity to be honest about your expectations and about what will stimulate and motivate you to be the best you and a better wife.

Keep it sexy!

Sabrina
Suburban Mom