As I sit at home alone, sipping on a glass of wine, feeling relaxed and dressed comfortably in my oh so feminine PJs, many thoughts are swimming in my mind. Since it is rare that I am able to enjoy my home without hubby and the kids, I have time to lounge without feeling obligated to do something. I choose to write and share my thoughts on a nagging topic.
Over the years, I have heard women express concern about their relationships. They have openly shared their frustration about their husbands no longer satisfying them. The things they use to do are no longer done. The things they long for them to do were never done. Why is this? Were they ever clear about their needs? Did they disclose how they like things to be done?
Now, I am not just talking about sex and intimacy, although this is quite important. In fact, I am referencing all things in their relationships, even things that may seem minor. From how to manage the household to how to be organized to who will handle chores to who will pay bills. Most of the time the minor things are the most frustrating.
Men do not realize that life can be a lot simpler, calmer and peaceful at home if they tend to the little things. Tending to the little things that matter to their wives will eventually lead to what they want -- more sex and peace. On the other hand, women often do not disclose their wants and desires with their husbands to ensure that their own needs are met, at least in a calm manner. How can someone take care of you the way you want them to if you do not share how it should be done? We should not have to read each others' minds.
Does your husband know that if he washes the dishes every now and then, you would be thrilled?
Does your husband know that if he takes the kids to their activities before you ask, then you would emotionally be in a better place?
Does your husband know that if he arranges child care and takes you out to dinner without there being a special occasion, then you would be elated?
Does your husband know that if he changes the light bulbs without being asked, then you would be less frustrated?
These are just a sample of the little things that can make a major difference to a woman who needs more from her mate than money and sex. However, many women expect their husbands to just know everything, but it is impossible. If you haven't had discussions with your husband to advise him of just what makes you happy, then you cannot be angry that he does not know.
Recently, my husband and I watched one of Oprah's Life Classes that featured author and marriage and family life expert, Dr. Gary Chapman. He talked about his book entitled 5 Love Languages and the importance of knowing how your mate wants and needs to be loved. We all assume that we are considerate of our mates' feelings and desires. However, we are often incorrect in how to satisfy them. Do we ever ask how they want to be loved? Do we ever ask how we can make them happy? You would be amazed at how this bit of information could make a major difference in the success of your relationship.
The show was eye opening and encouraged my husband and I to visit Dr. Chapman's website, www.5lovelanguages.com, to take a quiz. The quiz helped us identify our own love languages, so that we can communicate better and express our love for one another in a stronger way. It led to very interesting discussions. I know many men do not enjoy having in depth discussions about love and communication, but I must say that my husband was intrigued by this. Why wouldn't he be? He definitely benefited from it. I know for certain how he likes IT and he knows how I like IT. It is a win-win situation!
After 18 years of being happily married, I still learned a thing or two about how to satisfy my husband. If you need clarification in your relationship, just ask the question "honey, how do you like it?" and make sure that he knows how you like it too.
To defining how you want to be loved,
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
