As I sit at home alone, sipping on a glass of wine, feeling relaxed and dressed comfortably in my oh so feminine PJs, many thoughts are swimming in my mind. Since it is rare that I am able to enjoy my home without hubby and the kids, I have time to lounge without feeling obligated to do something. I choose to write and share my thoughts on a nagging topic.
Over the years, I have heard women express concern about their relationships. They have openly shared their frustration about their husbands no longer satisfying them. The things they use to do are no longer done. The things they long for them to do were never done. Why is this? Were they ever clear about their needs? Did they disclose how they like things to be done?
Now, I am not just talking about sex and intimacy, although this is quite important. In fact, I am referencing all things in their relationships, even things that may seem minor. From how to manage the household to how to be organized to who will handle chores to who will pay bills. Most of the time the minor things are the most frustrating.
Men do not realize that life can be a lot simpler, calmer and peaceful at home if they tend to the little things. Tending to the little things that matter to their wives will eventually lead to what they want -- more sex and peace. On the other hand, women often do not disclose their wants and desires with their husbands to ensure that their own needs are met, at least in a calm manner. How can someone take care of you the way you want them to if you do not share how it should be done? We should not have to read each others' minds.
Does your husband know that if he washes the dishes every now and then, you would be thrilled?
Does your husband know that if he takes the kids to their activities before you ask, then you would emotionally be in a better place?
Does your husband know that if he arranges child care and takes you out to dinner without there being a special occasion, then you would be elated?
Does your husband know that if he changes the light bulbs without being asked, then you would be less frustrated?
These are just a sample of the little things that can make a major difference to a woman who needs more from her mate than money and sex. However, many women expect their husbands to just know everything, but it is impossible. If you haven't had discussions with your husband to advise him of just what makes you happy, then you cannot be angry that he does not know.
Recently, my husband and I watched one of Oprah's Life Classes that featured author and marriage and family life expert, Dr. Gary Chapman. He talked about his book entitled 5 Love Languages and the importance of knowing how your mate wants and needs to be loved. We all assume that we are considerate of our mates' feelings and desires. However, we are often incorrect in how to satisfy them. Do we ever ask how they want to be loved? Do we ever ask how we can make them happy? You would be amazed at how this bit of information could make a major difference in the success of your relationship.
The show was eye opening and encouraged my husband and I to visit Dr. Chapman's website, www.5lovelanguages.com, to take a quiz. The quiz helped us identify our own love languages, so that we can communicate better and express our love for one another in a stronger way. It led to very interesting discussions. I know many men do not enjoy having in depth discussions about love and communication, but I must say that my husband was intrigued by this. Why wouldn't he be? He definitely benefited from it. I know for certain how he likes IT and he knows how I like IT. It is a win-win situation!
After 18 years of being happily married, I still learned a thing or two about how to satisfy my husband. If you need clarification in your relationship, just ask the question "honey, how do you like it?" and make sure that he knows how you like it too.
To defining how you want to be loved,
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
Showing posts with label love and relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love and relationships. Show all posts
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
He Loves You but He Doesn't Lust After You
Do you ever find yourself questioning whether or not your husband still wants you? In the early stages of your marriage, I am sure that your love making sessions were hot and heavy. Experimentation and exploration of each other led to intense, pleasurable moments. Right? Even if his sexual appetite was greater than yours, you probably felt really good to be wanted. He ensured that he showed you how badly you were desired. You felt sexy. But things have changed over the last few years. Intimacy is limited, love making is less intense and infrequent, and sex is just that, sex. So, what happened? Life...
Life got serious. You created your path and worked hard for the marriage, the 2.5 children, the house in the suburbs. After careers, children, mortgages, car payments, tuition, etc., everyone has to grow up. We all change once responsibilities increase and challenges arise. Unfortunately, it changes who we are and who we become. As women, we change physically and emotionally. In many cases, it is not an improvement. Men watch intently for the change, as they are often told that this occurs within women after marriage and childbirth. Don't satisfy this anticipation.
If you realize the love making (if it exists) just isn't the same, do something about it. Don't give up so easily. Don't succumb to the thought of "I am his wife and the mother of his children and he should accept me for who I am". That is bullshit. Yes, he knows this but he still wants the maternal woman to take care of him and his kids, and I hate to say it, he wants the whore in the bedroom. Face it, that's just the way it is.
Yes, it is acknowledging that men are physical and visual. You know that your appearance is crucial to keeping his attention. Didn't you look beautiful when you first met? Didn't you ensure that each time you went on a date you looked fabulous to make him want you? It is still important if you want to keep him.
Can you honestly look in the mirror and say that you always look your best and feel secure that your man thinks you look wonderful? If you are hesitant in responding positively, then imagine what he is thinking and feeling. Stop wearing sweats everywhere you go. Apply a little makeup to polish your look. Lose the excessive weight to look your best, to be healthy and to increase your stamina. He will notice. He may also begin to show you, again, that he is interested in being with you intimately.
Keep in mind that you are competing with the women he spends time with at the office, the women he meets when he is traveling for business, the women he sees every morning when he purchases his coffee. Regardless of what is going on in their lives, if they are on their way to work, they probably look darn good. They are putting their best foot forward. This is what he sees every single day during the week. This is who you are competing with for his attention.
Many women believe they will forever be bonded to their men emotionally and physically because they have children and they have built a life together. The reality is that people change and often men want the family life, but they also want a hot wife who stimulates them. You were able to do it once and you can do it again.
As a woman who has been happily married for 18 years, rears two children, manages a household and runs a business, I believe I have earned the right to provide you with a little advice. Always look your best to feel your best. When you feel your best, you do your best. Make a concerted effort to be fabulous every day. When he witnesses the change in you, he will return. He will want you. He will lust after you.
To your mommy reinvention,
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
Life got serious. You created your path and worked hard for the marriage, the 2.5 children, the house in the suburbs. After careers, children, mortgages, car payments, tuition, etc., everyone has to grow up. We all change once responsibilities increase and challenges arise. Unfortunately, it changes who we are and who we become. As women, we change physically and emotionally. In many cases, it is not an improvement. Men watch intently for the change, as they are often told that this occurs within women after marriage and childbirth. Don't satisfy this anticipation.
If you realize the love making (if it exists) just isn't the same, do something about it. Don't give up so easily. Don't succumb to the thought of "I am his wife and the mother of his children and he should accept me for who I am". That is bullshit. Yes, he knows this but he still wants the maternal woman to take care of him and his kids, and I hate to say it, he wants the whore in the bedroom. Face it, that's just the way it is.
Yes, it is acknowledging that men are physical and visual. You know that your appearance is crucial to keeping his attention. Didn't you look beautiful when you first met? Didn't you ensure that each time you went on a date you looked fabulous to make him want you? It is still important if you want to keep him.
Can you honestly look in the mirror and say that you always look your best and feel secure that your man thinks you look wonderful? If you are hesitant in responding positively, then imagine what he is thinking and feeling. Stop wearing sweats everywhere you go. Apply a little makeup to polish your look. Lose the excessive weight to look your best, to be healthy and to increase your stamina. He will notice. He may also begin to show you, again, that he is interested in being with you intimately.
Keep in mind that you are competing with the women he spends time with at the office, the women he meets when he is traveling for business, the women he sees every morning when he purchases his coffee. Regardless of what is going on in their lives, if they are on their way to work, they probably look darn good. They are putting their best foot forward. This is what he sees every single day during the week. This is who you are competing with for his attention.
Many women believe they will forever be bonded to their men emotionally and physically because they have children and they have built a life together. The reality is that people change and often men want the family life, but they also want a hot wife who stimulates them. You were able to do it once and you can do it again.
As a woman who has been happily married for 18 years, rears two children, manages a household and runs a business, I believe I have earned the right to provide you with a little advice. Always look your best to feel your best. When you feel your best, you do your best. Make a concerted effort to be fabulous every day. When he witnesses the change in you, he will return. He will want you. He will lust after you.
To your mommy reinvention,
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
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