Do you ever find yourself questioning whether or not your husband still wants you? In the early stages of your marriage, I am sure that your love making sessions were hot and heavy. Experimentation and exploration of each other led to intense, pleasurable moments. Right? Even if his sexual appetite was greater than yours, you probably felt really good to be wanted. He ensured that he showed you how badly you were desired. You felt sexy. But things have changed over the last few years. Intimacy is limited, love making is less intense and infrequent, and sex is just that, sex. So, what happened? Life...
Life got serious. You created your path and worked hard for the marriage, the 2.5 children, the house in the suburbs. After careers, children, mortgages, car payments, tuition, etc., everyone has to grow up. We all change once responsibilities increase and challenges arise. Unfortunately, it changes who we are and who we become. As women, we change physically and emotionally. In many cases, it is not an improvement. Men watch intently for the change, as they are often told that this occurs within women after marriage and childbirth. Don't satisfy this anticipation.
If you realize the love making (if it exists) just isn't the same, do something about it. Don't give up so easily. Don't succumb to the thought of "I am his wife and the mother of his children and he should accept me for who I am". That is bullshit. Yes, he knows this but he still wants the maternal woman to take care of him and his kids, and I hate to say it, he wants the whore in the bedroom. Face it, that's just the way it is.
Yes, it is acknowledging that men are physical and visual. You know that your appearance is crucial to keeping his attention. Didn't you look beautiful when you first met? Didn't you ensure that each time you went on a date you looked fabulous to make him want you? It is still important if you want to keep him.
Can you honestly look in the mirror and say that you always look your best and feel secure that your man thinks you look wonderful? If you are hesitant in responding positively, then imagine what he is thinking and feeling. Stop wearing sweats everywhere you go. Apply a little makeup to polish your look. Lose the excessive weight to look your best, to be healthy and to increase your stamina. He will notice. He may also begin to show you, again, that he is interested in being with you intimately.
Keep in mind that you are competing with the women he spends time with at the office, the women he meets when he is traveling for business, the women he sees every morning when he purchases his coffee. Regardless of what is going on in their lives, if they are on their way to work, they probably look darn good. They are putting their best foot forward. This is what he sees every single day during the week. This is who you are competing with for his attention.
Many women believe they will forever be bonded to their men emotionally and physically because they have children and they have built a life together. The reality is that people change and often men want the family life, but they also want a hot wife who stimulates them. You were able to do it once and you can do it again.
As a woman who has been happily married for 18 years, rears two children, manages a household and runs a business, I believe I have earned the right to provide you with a little advice. Always look your best to feel your best. When you feel your best, you do your best. Make a concerted effort to be fabulous every day. When he witnesses the change in you, he will return. He will want you. He will lust after you.
To your mommy reinvention,
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
Sabrina . .....you are so on the page that it's not even funny! You have hit the husband/wife dynamic squarely on the head. Right or wrong, the reality is that men need visual and physical stimulation and will seek it elsewhere if it is missing at home. Wise is the woman who understands this and acts in accordance.
ReplyDeleteHowever, it's a two-way street ......we men need to maintain our physical appearance and fitness to pre-nuptial levels also. Even though women are emotionally more inclined to tolerate a pot-bellied, couch potato husband, if we demand our wives keep trim and sexy, we should be prepared to do likewise.
It'S not easier either. As you point out, there's barely enough time to make it thru the day much les to a gym or running track on a regular basis. But where there's a will there's a way and with a little patience and co-operation, both partners can make it happen. There's too much at stake for them not to!
It's so rare to find a woman who knows what time it is. Most of y'all are living in fantasy land, clinging to fairy tale beliefs. Your husband is a lucky guy .....I hope he knows it! Thanks for keeping it real and good luck with your blog.
Stapleton, thanks for your feedback.
ReplyDeleteI agree that it is a two-way street. I wish more men felt that they should adhere to the physical expectations they have of their wives. I don't know if I can say women are tolerant of the physical changes in their husbands or if their husbands don't care enough to stay fit and trim to keep the fire burning. The difference is that women are not quick to seek satisfaction outside of the home. Instead, they often try to work with their significant others to change.
It is very challenging to stay fit and trim when life is so hectic. However, we all know that it is important. If we reflect on what attracted us to the other person, even after we have had the pleasure of knowing them mentally and emotionally, we have to admit that physical appearance was high on the list of must-haves. This does not go away because life's challenges interfere. We all have to do our part and not become complacent to keep each other's attention.
'Til next time...
Great information. Thanks for sharing such a nice post. It is very useful and informative.
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