At 6:00 a.m., you awake and the frenzy begins. You spend a little intimate time with your hubby, jump out of bed to awaken everyone in the household, barely make yourself presentable, prepare breakfast for the family, pack lunch for your kids, tend to all school notices to stay abreast of the constant requests, check email, and frantically leave the house to get the kids to the bus stop or drop them off at school. Phew! You sigh a bit to show your relief. Off to the office you go to spend your day generating an income.
It does not stop. After business hours, the mad dash continues. You pick up each child from school and take them to their respective sports and activities, head to the supermarket for the items missing for dinner, go home to prepare dinner, return to pick up your children, feed them, check homework, make them retire for the night just to start it all over again in a few hours.
The only down time you may have had was indulging in a cup of coffee while you were on your way to work. This is your daily routine. It is real and, on many days, it is unappealing. Can you relate? Do you have many days that resemble this?
You primarily tend to everyone's needs but your own. You make sure that your husband and children are well taken care of; however, the most important person is neglected. You. Priorities #1 and #2 (your children) are always cared for and priority #3 (your hubby) is somewhat happy. He is probably not as happy as he would like to be, but he is in a better place than you. You become priority #4. You have determined this. You have ensured that everyone in your household is in a good place, but you are unfulfilled because you are always the last priority. You have also trained your family to treat you this way. They have grown accustom to placing their needs above yours. This does not suggest that there isn't a lot of love in your household. There can be love, without respect for your peace of mind.
Quite a while ago, I made the conscious decision to become priority #1. I realized that I was at my best and able to give so much more to my family when I made self care important. This does not mean that I become a selfish person and sacrifice each of my family member's needs. Instead, it means that I will no longer forego the things that make me feel great and the things that make me whole. If visiting the hair and nail salon regularly to ensure that I look my best means that one of my children is unable to hang out with their friends, so be it. If working out on a Saturday morning means that my family needs to prepare breakfast for themselves, so be it. If the household budget needs to include a line item for fashion-related items that will build my confidence and make me feel fabulous, so be it. I am happy with me!
What things will you change to raise your priority level?
Be a priority,
Bri
@MakeoverMommy
https://www.facebook.com/SuburbanMommyMakeover
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Did You Forget that He Still Checks You Out During the Winter?
In my daily travels, I am amazed at how many women focus less on their appearance when the winter months arrive. I don't get it. Shouldn't you want to look good all of the time? When you look better, you feel better. I know I do. I am not suggesting that you wear heels every day, although they do make you look sexier. Instead, adorn fashions that suit your personality and your lifestyle and make self-care a priority.
A few friends inspired this blog post. My friends span the gamut -- from fashionistas to beauty gurus to those who just don't give a shit. There is one who is so afraid to be seen without makeup that she won't even retrieve mail from the mailbox without looking flawless. Another friend applies makeup every morning before she leaves the bathroom. Her husband and children don't see her without her new face. Now, this is an extreme job and is definitely not for everyone, but I must say that it is admirable. These women always make a concerted effort to look fabulous. They primarily do it for themselves, but they also view it as important to keep their men interested and happy. Based on their comments, it is working.
Now, here is the main issue. The women who feel that they only need to care about themselves during the spring and summer months. From friends and acquaintances, I have heard the following comments:
Really? I am certain that they represent many women who share the same sentiment. Why do some women care less about their appearances when the cold weather comes knocking? I don't understand this line of thinking. You pay close attention to your fashion and beauty regimens when the weather is warm, when you can get the attention of others and when you can be more impressive to others. But, for the one who sees you daily, for the one who you lay next to every night, for the one with whom you are intimate, for the one whose affections you seek, you don't care enough to look good every day. WTF??
I wonder what their husbands think. I know I want and need ongoing attention from my husband. If these women are lucky, their husbands are still checking them out. Why not strive to maintain his interest every single day. Keep him focused (on you)!
As a working mom of two, I understand the challenge of making self-care a priority, especially given that most of us make family the priority. However, I have found that I am the happiest when I take care of myself to look and feel my best. Oh yeah, I need to mention that I am also a wife who wants to keep her man enticed and interested. We have been married for 19 years and I do what I can to keep his interest. Trust me, he reaps the benefits.
Keep it sexy,
Bri
@MakeoverMommy
https://www.facebook.com/SuburbanMommyMakeover
A few friends inspired this blog post. My friends span the gamut -- from fashionistas to beauty gurus to those who just don't give a shit. There is one who is so afraid to be seen without makeup that she won't even retrieve mail from the mailbox without looking flawless. Another friend applies makeup every morning before she leaves the bathroom. Her husband and children don't see her without her new face. Now, this is an extreme job and is definitely not for everyone, but I must say that it is admirable. These women always make a concerted effort to look fabulous. They primarily do it for themselves, but they also view it as important to keep their men interested and happy. Based on their comments, it is working. |
| Hi Honey, how was your day? |
- I don't care until March.
- I don't waste time getting pedicures until the spring.
Really? I am certain that they represent many women who share the same sentiment. Why do some women care less about their appearances when the cold weather comes knocking? I don't understand this line of thinking. You pay close attention to your fashion and beauty regimens when the weather is warm, when you can get the attention of others and when you can be more impressive to others. But, for the one who sees you daily, for the one who you lay next to every night, for the one with whom you are intimate, for the one whose affections you seek, you don't care enough to look good every day. WTF??
I wonder what their husbands think. I know I want and need ongoing attention from my husband. If these women are lucky, their husbands are still checking them out. Why not strive to maintain his interest every single day. Keep him focused (on you)!
As a working mom of two, I understand the challenge of making self-care a priority, especially given that most of us make family the priority. However, I have found that I am the happiest when I take care of myself to look and feel my best. Oh yeah, I need to mention that I am also a wife who wants to keep her man enticed and interested. We have been married for 19 years and I do what I can to keep his interest. Trust me, he reaps the benefits.
Keep it sexy,
Bri
@MakeoverMommy
https://www.facebook.com/SuburbanMommyMakeover
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Does He Know How You Like It? He Should...
As I sit at home alone, sipping on a glass of wine, feeling relaxed and dressed comfortably in my oh so feminine PJs, many thoughts are swimming in my mind. Since it is rare that I am able to enjoy my home without hubby and the kids, I have time to lounge without feeling obligated to do something. I choose to write and share my thoughts on a nagging topic.
Over the years, I have heard women express concern about their relationships. They have openly shared their frustration about their husbands no longer satisfying them. The things they use to do are no longer done. The things they long for them to do were never done. Why is this? Were they ever clear about their needs? Did they disclose how they like things to be done?
Now, I am not just talking about sex and intimacy, although this is quite important. In fact, I am referencing all things in their relationships, even things that may seem minor. From how to manage the household to how to be organized to who will handle chores to who will pay bills. Most of the time the minor things are the most frustrating.
Men do not realize that life can be a lot simpler, calmer and peaceful at home if they tend to the little things. Tending to the little things that matter to their wives will eventually lead to what they want -- more sex and peace. On the other hand, women often do not disclose their wants and desires with their husbands to ensure that their own needs are met, at least in a calm manner. How can someone take care of you the way you want them to if you do not share how it should be done? We should not have to read each others' minds.
Does your husband know that if he washes the dishes every now and then, you would be thrilled?
Does your husband know that if he takes the kids to their activities before you ask, then you would emotionally be in a better place?
Does your husband know that if he arranges child care and takes you out to dinner without there being a special occasion, then you would be elated?
Does your husband know that if he changes the light bulbs without being asked, then you would be less frustrated?
These are just a sample of the little things that can make a major difference to a woman who needs more from her mate than money and sex. However, many women expect their husbands to just know everything, but it is impossible. If you haven't had discussions with your husband to advise him of just what makes you happy, then you cannot be angry that he does not know.
Recently, my husband and I watched one of Oprah's Life Classes that featured author and marriage and family life expert, Dr. Gary Chapman. He talked about his book entitled 5 Love Languages and the importance of knowing how your mate wants and needs to be loved. We all assume that we are considerate of our mates' feelings and desires. However, we are often incorrect in how to satisfy them. Do we ever ask how they want to be loved? Do we ever ask how we can make them happy? You would be amazed at how this bit of information could make a major difference in the success of your relationship.
The show was eye opening and encouraged my husband and I to visit Dr. Chapman's website, www.5lovelanguages.com, to take a quiz. The quiz helped us identify our own love languages, so that we can communicate better and express our love for one another in a stronger way. It led to very interesting discussions. I know many men do not enjoy having in depth discussions about love and communication, but I must say that my husband was intrigued by this. Why wouldn't he be? He definitely benefited from it. I know for certain how he likes IT and he knows how I like IT. It is a win-win situation!
After 18 years of being happily married, I still learned a thing or two about how to satisfy my husband. If you need clarification in your relationship, just ask the question "honey, how do you like it?" and make sure that he knows how you like it too.
To defining how you want to be loved,
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
Over the years, I have heard women express concern about their relationships. They have openly shared their frustration about their husbands no longer satisfying them. The things they use to do are no longer done. The things they long for them to do were never done. Why is this? Were they ever clear about their needs? Did they disclose how they like things to be done?
Now, I am not just talking about sex and intimacy, although this is quite important. In fact, I am referencing all things in their relationships, even things that may seem minor. From how to manage the household to how to be organized to who will handle chores to who will pay bills. Most of the time the minor things are the most frustrating.
Men do not realize that life can be a lot simpler, calmer and peaceful at home if they tend to the little things. Tending to the little things that matter to their wives will eventually lead to what they want -- more sex and peace. On the other hand, women often do not disclose their wants and desires with their husbands to ensure that their own needs are met, at least in a calm manner. How can someone take care of you the way you want them to if you do not share how it should be done? We should not have to read each others' minds.
Does your husband know that if he washes the dishes every now and then, you would be thrilled?
Does your husband know that if he takes the kids to their activities before you ask, then you would emotionally be in a better place?
Does your husband know that if he arranges child care and takes you out to dinner without there being a special occasion, then you would be elated?
Does your husband know that if he changes the light bulbs without being asked, then you would be less frustrated?
These are just a sample of the little things that can make a major difference to a woman who needs more from her mate than money and sex. However, many women expect their husbands to just know everything, but it is impossible. If you haven't had discussions with your husband to advise him of just what makes you happy, then you cannot be angry that he does not know.
Recently, my husband and I watched one of Oprah's Life Classes that featured author and marriage and family life expert, Dr. Gary Chapman. He talked about his book entitled 5 Love Languages and the importance of knowing how your mate wants and needs to be loved. We all assume that we are considerate of our mates' feelings and desires. However, we are often incorrect in how to satisfy them. Do we ever ask how they want to be loved? Do we ever ask how we can make them happy? You would be amazed at how this bit of information could make a major difference in the success of your relationship.
The show was eye opening and encouraged my husband and I to visit Dr. Chapman's website, www.5lovelanguages.com, to take a quiz. The quiz helped us identify our own love languages, so that we can communicate better and express our love for one another in a stronger way. It led to very interesting discussions. I know many men do not enjoy having in depth discussions about love and communication, but I must say that my husband was intrigued by this. Why wouldn't he be? He definitely benefited from it. I know for certain how he likes IT and he knows how I like IT. It is a win-win situation!
After 18 years of being happily married, I still learned a thing or two about how to satisfy my husband. If you need clarification in your relationship, just ask the question "honey, how do you like it?" and make sure that he knows how you like it too.
To defining how you want to be loved,
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
What's in Your Marriage Contract? You Have One, Right?
Most likely, many couples did not have a marriage contract in place prior to tying the knot. Let me be very clear, I am not referring to a prenuptial agreement. Instead, I am referring to many of the unspoken things you wish you addressed way back when. For example, what happens when either party's physical features change, will there be children in the family, who will be the primary caregiver when children arrive, will both parties have to work and contribute to the family financially, what will you have to do to ensure a lustful relationship, how do you prioritize your relationship even when there are children, etc. These are important things that are rarely addressed until you are legally bound.
Today, I want to focus on the visual you, the physical you, the sexual you.
Do any of the following comments sound familiar, even if they were made jokingly?
Well, I feel comfortable to share with you that during the time my then boyfriend now husband and I dated through several years of our marriage (even post children), my husband frequently stated "if you get fat, I am leaving you." Did I believe these harsh words? Of course I did. However, I was not offended. I knew his expectations up front. I also take pride in my physical self and I would not allow my weight to get out of control. I will admit that I am challenged with keeping my weight in tact, especially after having two children, but I will never become obese. He does not have to worry. I honor this term in our marriage contract.
For me, it is not just a matter of size. It is also a matter of style. There are so many times when I take my daughter to gymnastics practice and I see some moms who are notorious for looking as though they just rolled out of bed. They look sloppy. This is unnecessary. I don't care how bad life gets, the world does not need to see the weight on your shoulders. If I am insulted for you as a fellow mom, how do you think your spouse feels? In the evening, if you look the same as you did when your husband left in the morning, then you have to admit you have a problem that needs to be addressed. Remember, if you look better, you will feel better. If you feel better, you will do better.
What about the sex? Yes, I am asking the question. Was this topic addressed in your marriage contract? Did you discuss the importance and the significance of satisfying each other's needs to maintain a healthy relationship? I think it is reasonable to assume that if you are struggling to maintain your sexy, then you are really struggling to nurture a consistent, meaningful, desirable sexual relationship with your husband. This is very important because without the intimacy you are just roommates. I know you have heard this before...if he isn't making love to you then he is making love to someone else. Do not wait until this occurs to take action. Do not let go of your relationship so quickly and easily. Make the change now.
The good news is that it is not too late to create a marriage contract for the future of your relationship. Trust me, both you and your husband will appreciate it. It gives you an opportunity to be honest about your expectations and about what will stimulate and motivate you to be the best you and a better wife.
Keep it sexy!
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
Today, I want to focus on the visual you, the physical you, the sexual you.
Do any of the following comments sound familiar, even if they were made jokingly?
- If you get fat, I am leaving you.
- You don't look as good as when we were dating.
- I am going to trade you in for a younger model.
- No, I wasn't checking her out (although it was done right in front of you).
Well, I feel comfortable to share with you that during the time my then boyfriend now husband and I dated through several years of our marriage (even post children), my husband frequently stated "if you get fat, I am leaving you." Did I believe these harsh words? Of course I did. However, I was not offended. I knew his expectations up front. I also take pride in my physical self and I would not allow my weight to get out of control. I will admit that I am challenged with keeping my weight in tact, especially after having two children, but I will never become obese. He does not have to worry. I honor this term in our marriage contract.
For me, it is not just a matter of size. It is also a matter of style. There are so many times when I take my daughter to gymnastics practice and I see some moms who are notorious for looking as though they just rolled out of bed. They look sloppy. This is unnecessary. I don't care how bad life gets, the world does not need to see the weight on your shoulders. If I am insulted for you as a fellow mom, how do you think your spouse feels? In the evening, if you look the same as you did when your husband left in the morning, then you have to admit you have a problem that needs to be addressed. Remember, if you look better, you will feel better. If you feel better, you will do better.
What about the sex? Yes, I am asking the question. Was this topic addressed in your marriage contract? Did you discuss the importance and the significance of satisfying each other's needs to maintain a healthy relationship? I think it is reasonable to assume that if you are struggling to maintain your sexy, then you are really struggling to nurture a consistent, meaningful, desirable sexual relationship with your husband. This is very important because without the intimacy you are just roommates. I know you have heard this before...if he isn't making love to you then he is making love to someone else. Do not wait until this occurs to take action. Do not let go of your relationship so quickly and easily. Make the change now.
The good news is that it is not too late to create a marriage contract for the future of your relationship. Trust me, both you and your husband will appreciate it. It gives you an opportunity to be honest about your expectations and about what will stimulate and motivate you to be the best you and a better wife.
Keep it sexy!
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
Friday, April 26, 2013
My New Lashes!!!
In one of my earlier blogs, I wrote about eyelash extensions and I shared that I am on the path of physical self improvement. I want to look fabulous all day, every day. I am very open to doing whatever I need/want to do to make this happen. So, in addition to working out more regularly and eating healthier, I am indulging in non-surgical (at least for now) enhancements.
I recently had my eyelashes extended and I love them. My husband (the one who hates everything that is "not-so-natural") loves them too. Take a look at the before and after pictures:
What do you think?
Keeping it sexy...
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
I recently had my eyelashes extended and I love them. My husband (the one who hates everything that is "not-so-natural") loves them too. Take a look at the before and after pictures:
 |
| Before |
 |
| After |
Keeping it sexy...
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Do You Have MomJo?
Recently, I watched a reality show that I view every now and then, Guiliana & Bill. Guiliana was spending time with her infant son and her mother. They talked about motherhood and how she is open to what will come with her journey.
During their conversation, she touched on the importance of maintaining her MomJo. Her MomJo? I immediately connected with her. For many of us, once we become moms, we lose ourselves. We get so wrapped up in our children, understandably, and give them 150%. There isn't anything remaining for us. We grow accustom to depriving ourselves of many things, whether it be entertainment or simple indulgences such as spa retreats, date night with the hubby or girls night out. Although they may be simple, they are crucial to our sanity.
Having MomJo is being a phenomenal mother, yet still being a sexy woman. Although the role of mom is probably the most important one you will assume, you can still look fabulous for yourself and your significant other. You can still engage in the activities that make you whole, those that make you happy. The point is that we are all leading very hectic lives, however, the key is to maintain a sense of self and not completely comprise it.
Guiliana understands the importance of maintaining her MomJo and so should you!
As a mom of 2 who has been married for 18 years, lost her MomJo along the way and has worked hard to regain it, I share these words of wisdom.
Keep it sexy!
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
During their conversation, she touched on the importance of maintaining her MomJo. Her MomJo? I immediately connected with her. For many of us, once we become moms, we lose ourselves. We get so wrapped up in our children, understandably, and give them 150%. There isn't anything remaining for us. We grow accustom to depriving ourselves of many things, whether it be entertainment or simple indulgences such as spa retreats, date night with the hubby or girls night out. Although they may be simple, they are crucial to our sanity.
Having MomJo is being a phenomenal mother, yet still being a sexy woman. Although the role of mom is probably the most important one you will assume, you can still look fabulous for yourself and your significant other. You can still engage in the activities that make you whole, those that make you happy. The point is that we are all leading very hectic lives, however, the key is to maintain a sense of self and not completely comprise it.
Guiliana understands the importance of maintaining her MomJo and so should you!
As a mom of 2 who has been married for 18 years, lost her MomJo along the way and has worked hard to regain it, I share these words of wisdom.
Keep it sexy!
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
He Loves You but He Doesn't Lust After You
Do you ever find yourself questioning whether or not your husband still wants you? In the early stages of your marriage, I am sure that your love making sessions were hot and heavy. Experimentation and exploration of each other led to intense, pleasurable moments. Right? Even if his sexual appetite was greater than yours, you probably felt really good to be wanted. He ensured that he showed you how badly you were desired. You felt sexy. But things have changed over the last few years. Intimacy is limited, love making is less intense and infrequent, and sex is just that, sex. So, what happened? Life...
Life got serious. You created your path and worked hard for the marriage, the 2.5 children, the house in the suburbs. After careers, children, mortgages, car payments, tuition, etc., everyone has to grow up. We all change once responsibilities increase and challenges arise. Unfortunately, it changes who we are and who we become. As women, we change physically and emotionally. In many cases, it is not an improvement. Men watch intently for the change, as they are often told that this occurs within women after marriage and childbirth. Don't satisfy this anticipation.
If you realize the love making (if it exists) just isn't the same, do something about it. Don't give up so easily. Don't succumb to the thought of "I am his wife and the mother of his children and he should accept me for who I am". That is bullshit. Yes, he knows this but he still wants the maternal woman to take care of him and his kids, and I hate to say it, he wants the whore in the bedroom. Face it, that's just the way it is.
Yes, it is acknowledging that men are physical and visual. You know that your appearance is crucial to keeping his attention. Didn't you look beautiful when you first met? Didn't you ensure that each time you went on a date you looked fabulous to make him want you? It is still important if you want to keep him.
Can you honestly look in the mirror and say that you always look your best and feel secure that your man thinks you look wonderful? If you are hesitant in responding positively, then imagine what he is thinking and feeling. Stop wearing sweats everywhere you go. Apply a little makeup to polish your look. Lose the excessive weight to look your best, to be healthy and to increase your stamina. He will notice. He may also begin to show you, again, that he is interested in being with you intimately.
Keep in mind that you are competing with the women he spends time with at the office, the women he meets when he is traveling for business, the women he sees every morning when he purchases his coffee. Regardless of what is going on in their lives, if they are on their way to work, they probably look darn good. They are putting their best foot forward. This is what he sees every single day during the week. This is who you are competing with for his attention.
Many women believe they will forever be bonded to their men emotionally and physically because they have children and they have built a life together. The reality is that people change and often men want the family life, but they also want a hot wife who stimulates them. You were able to do it once and you can do it again.
As a woman who has been happily married for 18 years, rears two children, manages a household and runs a business, I believe I have earned the right to provide you with a little advice. Always look your best to feel your best. When you feel your best, you do your best. Make a concerted effort to be fabulous every day. When he witnesses the change in you, he will return. He will want you. He will lust after you.
To your mommy reinvention,
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
Life got serious. You created your path and worked hard for the marriage, the 2.5 children, the house in the suburbs. After careers, children, mortgages, car payments, tuition, etc., everyone has to grow up. We all change once responsibilities increase and challenges arise. Unfortunately, it changes who we are and who we become. As women, we change physically and emotionally. In many cases, it is not an improvement. Men watch intently for the change, as they are often told that this occurs within women after marriage and childbirth. Don't satisfy this anticipation.
If you realize the love making (if it exists) just isn't the same, do something about it. Don't give up so easily. Don't succumb to the thought of "I am his wife and the mother of his children and he should accept me for who I am". That is bullshit. Yes, he knows this but he still wants the maternal woman to take care of him and his kids, and I hate to say it, he wants the whore in the bedroom. Face it, that's just the way it is.
Yes, it is acknowledging that men are physical and visual. You know that your appearance is crucial to keeping his attention. Didn't you look beautiful when you first met? Didn't you ensure that each time you went on a date you looked fabulous to make him want you? It is still important if you want to keep him.
Can you honestly look in the mirror and say that you always look your best and feel secure that your man thinks you look wonderful? If you are hesitant in responding positively, then imagine what he is thinking and feeling. Stop wearing sweats everywhere you go. Apply a little makeup to polish your look. Lose the excessive weight to look your best, to be healthy and to increase your stamina. He will notice. He may also begin to show you, again, that he is interested in being with you intimately.
Keep in mind that you are competing with the women he spends time with at the office, the women he meets when he is traveling for business, the women he sees every morning when he purchases his coffee. Regardless of what is going on in their lives, if they are on their way to work, they probably look darn good. They are putting their best foot forward. This is what he sees every single day during the week. This is who you are competing with for his attention.
Many women believe they will forever be bonded to their men emotionally and physically because they have children and they have built a life together. The reality is that people change and often men want the family life, but they also want a hot wife who stimulates them. You were able to do it once and you can do it again.
As a woman who has been happily married for 18 years, rears two children, manages a household and runs a business, I believe I have earned the right to provide you with a little advice. Always look your best to feel your best. When you feel your best, you do your best. Make a concerted effort to be fabulous every day. When he witnesses the change in you, he will return. He will want you. He will lust after you.
To your mommy reinvention,
Sabrina
Suburban Mom
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